Monday, December 22, 2014

Crop Circle Hoaxers Can Suck my Ovaries

I don’t have balls. I’ve never wanted them. I suspect most of the crop circle hoaxers have them, along with an inversely proportional, large ego. 

There is a group of people who live mostly in Wiltshire England, and every year they create their own crop circle designs. Most of the time the farmer is the victim in what is essentially an act of vandalism. There are also rare instances when a farmer or company will commission a design. The unwilling farmers, however, face damaged crop fields, as well as additional damage caused by people wanting to come see the design. Researchers like me face a corruption and muddying of the data.

When I first started studying the geometry of crop circles, I wasted a lot of time studying hoaxed crop circles. A lot of time. A lot of wasted time. I want to personally thank the hoaxers for wasting so much of my precious research time, which I carved out of my daily life. It took me years to figure out the difference between the hoaxed crop circles and the genuine ones. Now I don’t waste as much time because I’ve developed a few geometric litmus tests that can be used to spot the fakes and exclude them from the data pool. 

So perhaps you understand my dilemma of whether to reveal what I’ve learned in my nearly 5 years of crop circle research. If I teach the hoaxers what I know, they can create better hoaxes and waste more of my time. I am reluctant to publish specifics, but at the same time I am angry at myself for self-censoring. Which brings me back to the point of this post: Crop Circle Hoaxers Can Suck my Ovaries

I don’t think they are bad people, but they are misguided in the belief that they are not harming their community. I suspect it is their disproportionally large egos that have lead them astray. I don’t think it is about money. I don’t see how one profits from faking crop circles. Some hoaxers believe their circles are part of a dialog with the circle makers, and I say if you are that compelled, find a place where you have permission, or choose a different medium for your creative expression.

Here are a few general problems I’ve seen with the geometry of hoaxed crop circle designs:

  • Nonexistent proportioning system. Complete lack of geometric order, sometimes interspersed with random elements from sacred geometry
  • Inconsistent proportioning. The system of proportion varies depending on which part of the design you look at.
  • Tram lines are used in the construction of the design elements rather than integrated into the overall geometric design.

So my message to the hoaxers is as follows:
Knock it off; find a more productive hobby. You are muddying the data and wasting the time of people who are trying to study the phenomenon from a scientific/mathematical point of view. Stop harming those you should be helping within your own community.

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